How to Store a Banana

Buy a green banana on Thursday evening. Put it in the refrigerator until Saturday morning. Wrap it in a paper towel, place it in a baggie, and set it on the back seat of the car. Throw a pillow and a sweatshirt over it until Tuesday morning. Perfect!

When My Kids Were Five-Years-Old,

it never entered my mind to buy them rifles.

The Person Who Invented Contact Paper...

should have to come over to my house and scrape it off the kitchen shelves.

In Sub-Zero Weather...

I'm glad I'm the person in the car and not the person riding the bicycle.

Cold Night. Hot Bath. Good Book.

Shriveled toes.

Welcome to the Future Sunbelt of America!

It's 41 degrees in Minneapolis at 11:30 P.M. in January.

Soon I Shall be Rich.

I found a quarter on my walk yesterday. This morning I found another quarter on my walk.  If this keeps up, I will be able to retire as a rich woman.